Red Thread To China 2007

You may be wondering what I am talking about. Well this will be the first time that Jerry will not be home with Levi and I for the weekend. Jerry had to leave yesterday for military duty this weekend down in Brownwood. He has SRP again. For those of you that don't know what that means it stands for Soldier Readiness Program. They do this when getting geared up for deployment. His unit received thier warning notice sometime last month that they will be deploying sometime next year. Not good news for the adoption front. If we wish to adopt a girl we need to get working on finding her and soon. I might be going to get her on my own with one of my older kids or MIL. Charla would really like to go and I think she would like it very much. But only time will tell how that all plays out. I have to leave it in God's hands now, but I still worry about my Mylie out there somewhere and when I will be able to bring her home.
Back to the subject of Levi and NO daddy. You see Levi is so very attatched to Jerry already that every time he walks out of the room or isn't right there by him he starts to freak out. So last night when he had to leave I made sure he was in his highchair eating dinner so maybe he would do better, since that is his 2nd favorite thing FOOD!! He did so well when daddy kissed him bye bye and never cried at all. Whew!!!!! I thought I was going to have WWII going on when he left. I am so glad because I have been worried that Levi hasn't been bonding to me, he prefers daddy to me at all times. He will tell me bye bye and not shed a tear but when daddy leaves he screams and carries on. Even just going to the bathroom he will sit at the door and bang on it until he comes out. When there are other family members around he just flat ignores me for the most part unless I have food or a snack. I have had to really hold my emotions in check about this and try not to take it personally. But it is so hard! I want him to love me so badly that the rejection is devastating to me. I love him so much. I know in my head that it will take time and Jerry lets me do more of the caregiving to promote the bonding process. It is just so different from my other kids, they couldn't be out of my sight for one second or they were crying for mommy. They were fine with others as well but prefered mom to anyone else. No one knows what happened to himin the past maybe a "mommy figure" hurt him in some way and since I am the mommy he takes it out on me and can't fully trust me yet. He is doing so well right now and hasn't either realized that daddy is gone or understands that he will be back. I have been teaching him Daddy be right back whenever he has left the room. SO maybe he is getting it. Well I better get ready for the day.

Take care all,
Sandi