Red Thread To China 2007

First let me say that I know that this wait for referral is very hard on everyone. And everyone has thier own way of handling it. I thought I was doing good up until now. Our house is for the most part done with just some minor things like touch up paint, curtains, blinds, and hanging things back up on the walls, and Mylie's room. That's where it gets me........Mylie's room. Am I ever going to see that room with a little girl sleeping in the crib, sitting in her rocker, looking in her closet for something to wear, asking mommy if she can play with her duckie we just bought her, telling me and her daddy she loves us? I go upstairs and look into that empty room and my heart aches for those moments. I open my e-mail and see all the referrals and ask God why not me? Why not our family?, why not now? We made the decision to open our hearts to another child in November 2006, and then to a special needs child about the same time in 2007, after much thought and questions...... seems like decades ago. So here I am wondering why not us? Mother's Day was very hard for me for 2 reasons. I lost my mother last year and I can't hold my youngest daughter in my arms and may not for months even years. Sure I love my other kids but I can see them, touch them, laugh with them, talk to them...... but I can't with Mylie. I know that God has his own plans for us and we just have to wait, but man is it getting harder. I know that I drive my husband and kids crazy with the whole thing. They say Mom just chill out it will happen. I know all this but it still hurts so much. Well I have had my little feel sorry for me moment and now have to get back to the daily grind of trying to get this house together. I promise I will post pictures of the progress soon.