Red Thread To China 2007

Well today is our 10 month LID Anniversary. Seems like a lifetime sometimes. It was a very rainy day here in Texas so we decided to go shopping for our new house. Of course we did the usual and went out for our Chinese food also to celebrate. We bought a few things and then I also picked up a couple of things for Mylie's room as always. I keep finding such cute things for her room. I realize this journey that we are taking to bring home our child from China will be a long one, but one thing that helps me at least for the time being is shopping for her. One day this wait will just be a memory of the past and we will all be able to go on with our lives as a family. The day will come I know it in my heart, but my head keeps thinking what if.......

Take care everyone,

Jerry got the call today from the builder that they want to set up a meeting with the construction manager for next week. Yeah!!!!!! That means they will be starting soon. I can't wait to actually be in it though. If everything goes well we may be in by spring.
I think decorating the new house might take my mind off the adoption wait, which I really need right now. I have been doing so well up until this last month or so. I can't seem to get this bad feeling out of my head that we will never get to the end of this very long tunnel. It is so great to see all the referrals every month and all the babies coming home., I feel so happy for all those families, but at the same time I feel such an overwhelming sense of sadness that it is not our family this time and that it may never happen for us. Jerry always tells me to relax, our time will come. And I know in my mind that he is right, but my heart aches for this child. To hold her in my arms, to comfort her and let her know that she will never have to feel alone again. I want to take care of her when she doesn't feel well, when she is sad or hurt. Sorry to go on and on about this. Maybe tomorrow will be better.

I am just sitting here thinking about the wait being so long. It is really depressing considering we still have probably at the least 2 more years of waiting maybe more. I am starting to wonder if I can actually get through this. I worry about being 3 years older when we finally get our little one. We have also applied for SN but that doesn't seem to be going any better these days. If We had known then that we would be pursuing a sn adoption we would not have gone with an agency until we found a child on one of the lists. It seems that way is faster.

Jerry has SRP (Soldier Readiness) today through Saturday so thats just one more thing to worry about. That means that at any time after that he can be picked to go to Iraq again. He was gone last time for 18 months. And that whole time I did nothing but worry. So that on top of the long wait for referral is weighing heavily on my mind these days. I know things have to get better at some point, but the question is when.